Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
