I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
