Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
