My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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