wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I had to cum in my sink.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
