when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
