just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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