A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
