I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
