no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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