I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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