His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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