Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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