If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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