Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
