Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
