I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
