I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
