Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
