So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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