Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
