it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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