well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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