I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just gargled with NyQuil
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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