Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
