are you still at the devil's house?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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