Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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