I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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