They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
