apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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