Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
