I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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