Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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