I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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