when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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