I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
