just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
time to smoke my breakfast
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
