addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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