On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
