I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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