if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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