someone threw a dead crab at me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
two words: eviction party
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
