She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
