I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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