i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
