Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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