dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
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other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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