At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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