For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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