its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
