i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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