winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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