Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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