you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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