Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
