The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
