also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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