I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!