I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack