i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling