I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize