I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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