please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
