I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
