i jhust puked up my retainher.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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