just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
