Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
