That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
