the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
