You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
