Say something about gay babies.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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